Change the way you see things..

I never really plan how I lead my life... Usually things fall according to what I believe is the best for me.. I fall in love with my hubby, agak awal la jugak.. didnt really plan for it to happen.. it just did.. It was my first love, and we got married quite young as well.. at the age of 21.. Then, I was pregnant with my first son, during my final year of study.. That was an unplanned joy as well.. hehe.. And after that another one came, after my son was only 1 year and 4 months old.. Pun unplanned joy...hmm, these are the doors that I opened with an open arms.. I accept it with joy and happiness.. And I realised that I am happy.. Thank you Allah.. And now, I do want to decide the doors that I open and close, to make me and my family lead a happy life.

Since I have kids of my own, I do see things in a different light.. I value some things more than before.. I interpret things differently as well.. For example, its our fun thing in the car if I can get my son to sing "the wheels on the bus" with me.. I love kissing him while he is sleeping soundly.. I love the smell of Dahlia when she wakes up in the morning (the smell of baby.. mmmmm).. not really the smell of Adam anyway, coz he'll smell very hancing due to the wet diapers.. :D I love seeing Adam all excited over a small thing, such as chocolate, seeing the birds close up, trying to touch the cat.. And I wonder.. Why did I not get this excited, happy feelings before.. Why did I not open to doors that will make me see life differently before..

Yesterday, there was this near accident happen at home.. Adam wanted to panjat his sister's rocking chair.. And then nak cube turun sendiri.. I was there, quite close to him.. I saw how he looks at what he's trying to do, as something huge.. He got all excited nak try to jump down, nampak like he's trying to impress me at the same time.. If only he could talk, I bet he'll say "Look mama!! I'm going to jump!!, I'm going to do this myself!".. But as a mum, I knew and I can sense that somehow, he's going to fall.. the rocking chair is not that stable, plus he's quite heavy and tembam ok.. However, I cant stop him from trying something new.. plus he has this excited-ness in his eyes..  In the end, I decided to let him jump, but I waited really close by to catch him if he falls.. That's what I did..

And of course, memang die jatuh pun.. Nearly fall flat on his face, but I sempat catch him 5 cm, before his nose touches the floor.. pheewwwww.... he felt surprised.. didnt cry, but has that satisfaction look in his eyes.. He said he wont do it again though..  From that incident, I learnt that, being a mother is tough.. You want to prevent bad things from happening, but at the same time you want to be the cool mum, you want only good things to happen.. you want to prevent accidents.. Hey, we are only mothers.. we are not angels!! not even a magician.. (I do wish I have magic powers sometimes though..) So, I learnt also that, I dont want to be a rigid mum.. I want my son to experience life.. if he falls, then I will be the one to tell him to get up and keep running.. If he wants to jump, I want to be the one telling him to aim high.. If he wants to sing, I want to tell him to sing his heart out.. But I also want to be the person who he comes to, when he need someone to listen to his complaints, when he needs someone to give advice and guidance.. and definitely if he needs me to rescue him.. Only if he needs me too..

I choose to be happy, and if this is the way to it, let it be.. Its hard to make everyone sees how you see things, but as long as you make yourself happy, then be it..